Insecure
by danceinfinitize
Summary: When Bella's mom dies and she lands in hospital, she meets Edward, who has just lost his fiance in a car accident 3 years ago. But Bella is unable to fully trust him, due to her dark past. Will she be able to work past her insecurities and continue her life?
1. Chapter 1

A/N: Alright guys this is a new story (sort of). I decided to put this up again after some changes and yes, previous fans of Insecure, here you have it! And if you have any questions for me or any constructive criticism, you can email me at danceinfinitize and yes, please check out my blog .sg thanks!

Insecure

Chapter 1: Shock

BPOV

I sat there in shock, trying to absorb what I had just been told. My mother was dead. The doctors had said sorry and my family said it was fate.

"Bella, get up." Dr Black says to me.

Only after he said that, my fogged mind registered the white and pristine walls and the sanitary smell. Wheelchairs and people whizzed past me and yet the scene seemed unfamiliar and foreign. I struggled to get up from the floor. As warm and strong hands tried to lift me up, I slipped into the darkness.

*Insecure*

"I know Billy but couldn't you have just told me and not her? She just got herself admitted into the hospital after the news! I know you mean well but you know how frail Bella is. I don't think I can take it if –" Charlie's voice broke.

I could faintly hear Billy – Dr Black. Billy was Charlie's best friend and they both loved to fish at nearby lakes.

"It's alright, she'll be fine" Billy said to my father.

I opened my lids that seemed to weigh about as light as the earth and the bright lights flooded into my eyes. I felt a dull throbbing at the back of my head. I reached up my head and felt something soft but rough. Struggling to adjust, I took in my surroundings. My bed, a small bedside table, another table and my father and Billy on the small couch in my room.

Charlie caught my eye and quickly rushed over.

"Bella! Are you alright? Billy told me you hit the floor quite hard and then you started bleeding after you fainted." Char-Dad says to me.

"Yeah pops I'm ok." I said.

Oh that explains the bandage then. I just wanted to get out of this hospital _quick_. Billy switched into professional mode. After quizzing me about the year, date and what was my name, he left the room after instructing me to rest.

"Bella, I know that, um," Charlie cleared his throat. "your mother has – ".

"no." I said silently but forcefully with as much strength I could muster, tears welling up in my eyes.

Did Charlie refer to Renee as my mother and not someone he knew? He spoke as if he did not know Renee and was Charlie _that_ tactless? Excuse me I just hurt my head because of that and you expect me to be able to talk about it? Please.

I felt so sad. My mother, who had single-handedly raised me up after divorcing Charlie and bringing me along back to Phoenix. My mother, who had signed me up for my first ballet and piano lessons despite my terrible failures at those. My mother, who liked to have fun picnics with me, like alphabet themed or colour theme or ingredient theme. My mother, who I shared my secrets with. It was like I had lost a part of me.

I started crying then. My walls crumbled as I sobbed. I would never see my mother again. I remembered when I left Phoenix to come to Forks, I saw this wig at my mother's mahogany dresser. When I asked her about it, she said it was a prop used for her upcoming play at the theatre and she brought it home to wash it.

My mom is, yeah you guessed it, the famous Renee Dwyer. A once-Hollywood actress. She switched to local plays after giving birth to me. There at our local theatre, she found more joy in performing there. No paparazzi, no crazy fans every time you walk on the streets. She was happy here. She slowly faded from the scene after she left Hollywood.

Now I know why that wig was there. She had cancer – breast cancer, stage 4 – it ran through her family. Grammie – as I called Renee's mother – had also died from breast cancer when I was 10. Grammie, tick. Renee, tick. Bella, blank. I was probably the next person on the list to die from it.

I was in Phoenix now, I realized. Charlie and Billy had flown over with me. We flew over here to say hi to my mom. Now, it was to say bye. I didn't even get a chance to say goodbye to her actually. It hurt me and I was so disappointed with myself that I did not say goodbye to her!

"Here, Bells, take this." Charlie stuffed some Kleenex into my hands. Blowing out my nose, the nurse entered the room.

"Hey! So how are you doing? I sense a very emotional moment here!" she giggled.

"Hi, I'm Alice, I will be your nurse for the duration of your stay." I smiled a water smile at her.

"Bella." I said.

"My brother, a doctor here will be here soon to check on you." Alice says.

And with that she gracefully sashayed out of the room. She really knew how to lighten the mood but I was still wallowed in my grief.

My mind wandered to my memories as the doctor stepped in.

**Flashback**

"**Bella! Get back here!" my mother yelled. **

**We were at the beach, having a picnic. I was splashing about in the water as my mother laid out the mats and the food. We had forgotten to bring out swimsuits and I had just gotten myself all wet.**

**Running back to her, a warm towel enveloped me as my mother, made the towel like a mini curtain between two close palm trees, and changed my wet clothes to warm, dry ones.**

"**Mom! It's a beach!" I said, horrified. **

**Laughing, she said "It's okay, there's nobody here!" **

**I looked around and right smack in the middle of my vision, there was a family of four. The siblings were having fun with each other. Despite my young age at that time, once I saw their parents I immediately envied them. I only had a mom. I had a dad, but I haven't seen him ever since I was three. **

**One of the kids fell and started crying. The father quickly rushed up to the child and helped him up and back to their picnic mat. Once they arrived, the mother quickly attended to her wound as the father tried to console the child.**

**I looked back at my mom, angry that she lied to me. **

"**There's a family there! You lied to me!" I huffed. **

**Renee pretended to be remorseful and said "Princess Bella, I'm sorry I lied to you. I shall give you some of your favourite mashed potatoes as a gift!" as she gave me a curtsey. **

**I laughed then, running towards our picnic mat under the shady trees and immediately devoured the homemade mashed potatoes.**

**-end of flashback-**

As my memory ended, like a film, I could hear the soft humming of voices. A gruff voice which belonged to my father and then there was this soft, musical voice that I could not place. Trying to clear my mind, I blinked my eyes as my eyes landed on the figure. I gasped once I saw the doctor.

He was, literally, the man of my dreams.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2: The god

A/N: Alright guys this is a new story (sort of). I decided to put this up again after some changes and yes, previous fans of Insecure, here you have it! And if you have any questions for me or any constructive criticism, you can email me at danceinfinitize and yes, please check out my blog .sg thanks!

I'm sorry this is such a short chapter! I will update the next chapter later after this to make up to you guys!

BPOV

The last time I had a crush on a boy, it was when I was in grade 3. Tyler Crowley, although an African-American, was the most popular boy in my grade. He was popular, handsome and caring. Every time we had our break, the girls from my grade would all rush, to snag a seat with him for lunch. His table would be full of girls within the first 5 minutes. Of course, he had his buddies, Mike Newton and Ben Cheney sitting with him too. All three would be swarmed by the girls.

I was shy, and although I had a mega crush on him and I did not go with the girls. The popular girls would shove me out of the way. The more vocal girls would win me by screaming that they love him. I would slink off to a quiet corner in the cafeteria, lunch box in hand.

His bronze hair was just sexy with the tousled way it was in. It looked natural and not like it was gelled. His features were perfect – high arched brows, a cute nose and the perfect set of lips. His lips curved upwards as he caught my eyes. I gasped when I saw his eyes. His eyes were a startling deep emerald.

Now, despite the fact that I was already 23 my heart started to pump vigorously making the readings of the heart rate monitor beside me to spike up. Embarrassed by the fact that I was in love with him and that it was obvious, I tried to lower my excitement..

"Hi, I'm Dr Cullen. I am your doctor and I presume you have met my sister already?" He spoke with his velvet voice.

Before I could speak, the monitor printed out a sheet of paper of my heart rate. He examined it carefully before saying,

"Well Isabella –" He said

"Please, call me Bella" I whispered.

"Alright! Well Bella, it seems like your heart rate has spiked up enormously just about a minute ago. Are you alright?" Edward asked, concern written over his face.

I blushed, nodding my head as I let my hair cascade over my face.

**What is this Bella! Get a grip! You are 23 but you are acting like an 18 year old!**

My inner voice screamed at me. It was right. What was I actually _doing_? Here am I, blushing in front of my father and the gorgeous doctor right in front of me like a 18 year old. I violently shook my head to get me out of the love haze.

"Bella! Are you alright?" Dr Cullen asked, perplexed. I remembered my plan: get out of here as soon as possible.

"Yeah, I'm fine," I said, sighing inwardly.

"When can I be discharged?" I asked wanting to leave the hospital already.

"If all goes well, you can leave by Saturday. If not, you may have to stay for at least another week." He said.

Saturday?! That's 2 more fucking days!

I composed myself as I tried not to dwell too much on it.

"I'm going to check your bandage okay?" Dr Cullen asked.

With my consent, he – like his sister – walked gracefully like a dancer closer towards me.

He stopped just beside the railing preventing contact between him and I and started probing at my head. I breathed in a lungful of oxygen and swooned inwardly. His scent was just, indescribable. It was like a mix of cologne, baby lotion and something that was just… him. I looked at his nametag through foggy eyes and could just make out his name "Edward Cullen". Edward. Old but romantic, and sexy of course.

"Bella it seems like at the moment, you are able to leave on Saturday but we still have to monitor your condition." Edward said.

I nodded, still numb from the intoxicating effect of his scent.

"Okay, I shall leave you to rest and I'll be back in the evening all right? Rest well, Bella." Edward said and with that, he left the room.

"Seems like you're able to go back on Saturday huh?" Charlie said.

"I guess so" I replied in a weary tone.

The whole day had been a mess. Grief, excitement, grief. I felt so helpless. I reached out to the phone beside my table wanting to call my mom when I realized with a pang that she was dead. She was dead. These three words caused me so much hurt. Never have I thought that words would ever hurt me.

I wanted to call him back. Edward, but knowing that my father was still here, present in the room stopped me and Edward would probably think I was crazy. Hell, he probably even had a girlfriend or was engaged already. And here I am, this pathetic girl, wanting his attention. I was in no place to ever deserve his heart and love.

I sank back in my grief as sobs racked me again. Crying, I tumbled into the suffocating darkness once again, wishing for one thing.

I wish my life were back to normal.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I forgot about it! But Twilight is owned by SM. I only own this plot and I play around with her characters

A/N: Alright guys this is a new story (sort of). I decided to put this up again after some changes and yes, previous fans of Insecure, here you have it! And if you have any questions for me or any constructive criticism, you can email me at danceinfinitize and yes, please check out my blog .sg thanks!

Okay dear readers of mine, if you are wondering what is my schedule for updating, I don't have one (smiles sheepishly) as I am very busy and will update only when I have the time. Sorry! And please, review! Give me at least 10 reviews for this chapter okay?

BPOV

Staring up at the ceiling, I lay on my bed at home. I missed Alice and Edward already. Alice and I had become great friends and had exchanged numbers and emails.

Although Edward had said I was to be on leave for the next couple of days due to my slight concussion, I was definitely going back to work on Monday.

**Flashback**

"**Bella! You know the latest news about the new colour for the iPhone?" Alice asked enthusiastically. Alice was the walking dictionary for the latest fashion trends or the latest buzz. Talk about being a nurse.**

"**Well, no. Alice, you know I don't bother to keep up with these right?" I sighed inwardly.**

"**I do know, being your best friend and all. But seriously Bella, I need to ask you a question."**

"**What?"**

"**Do you like Edward?" Alice whispered to me about as soft as a megaphone.**

"**Well****…**** y-yes." I stammered and blushed, feeling the heat radiate across my cheeks. It was as if my blood spreading on my cheeks were holding a sign that screamed "I LOVE EDWARD" and waltzing slowly across the dance floor which were my cheeks.**

"**I knew it! I knew it from the moment I saw you that you and him were fated!" Alice screamed ****–**** literally. "Say it, I love Edward"**

"**Are you crazy? Alice you must be out of your mind!" **

"**Just. Say. It. If you don't I will personally drag you to my house and give you a complete makeover - "**

"**Fine! I love Edwa-"**

**I stopped, as the door creaked open and there stood the man of my dreams. His face was completely void of emotion, yet behind his eyes, I could see that he was shocked. "Well, I heard some screaming here, so I decided I would come and check you know?" Edward said, giving me his crooked smile.**

"**Hey Eddie!" Alice called in greeting. I could see that Edward really hated that nickname. **

"**Hey pixie!" He sarcastically said. This annoyed Alice to no end. I sized up Alice and busted out laughing. Alice **_**was**_** really like a pixie. Short, with spiky black hair. You just have to imagine the wings. Oh yes and don't forget the fairy dust.**

"**Whatever. I'll leave you two alone now. Bye Bella!" Alice sashayed out of the room and I swore she winked at me. Edward turned back to me and did his routinely checks. His hand brushed past my hair and my arm as I started swooning inwardly. **

"**Ok Bella, you will be discharged around noon tomorrow since you are fine." Edward said, as he wrote down some stuff on my clipboard. "Do you live in Phoenix?" I blurted out. Oops, that question was meant for Alice actually. He stared at me and said "Nope, I actually live in Forks, I'm just stationed here for the time being. I will back there around in a month's time. I can't stand the heat here!" he complained, as his eyes turned puppy like.**

**Laughing, I said, "Well, I live in Forks too!" and the next thing I saw was something I would never forget for life.**

**He stared at me and said, "That would be awesome"**

**End of flashback**

I sighed, there was still a month left before Edward and Little Miss Pixie came back to Forks. I realised it was a mistake to give Alice my email. Other than the occasional greeting and stuff, she spammed my email to no end with discounts for clothes, shoes, designer bags and even signed me up for some stupid shopping spree competition with her when she got back!

That pixie was really crazy.

-Time skip-

"Bella can you please email me the information for our upcoming event?" Angela yelled. "Sure no probs!" I yelled back. My job is at WHP (Whitlock-Hale Publications). Swiftly attaching the document, I sent it to Angela right away.

"Hey Bella," a Southern-accented voice greeted me. That was no other than Jasper Whitlock, the co-founder of WHP. "Hey Jasper!" I said as I continued typing on my computer. The whole company was hyper-because-of-an-overdose-of-jelly-beans at the moment, as this was our first event where all of our writers, including the famous author Emmett McCarty would be present for an exclusive meet and greet session. Of course, by now, the whole world knew that Rosalie Hale, Jasper's sister and co-founder of WHP, was engaged to Emmett.

Rosalie and Jasper were half siblings, their father had a wife and a mistress. Rosalie was the official sibling while Jasper was the illegitimate one. But both had grown up together as Jasper's mother had died during childbirth. They were just so close to each other. Nobody knew about their history except for the staff of WHP.

WHP was just founded about 4 years ago, and groomed many best-selling authors like Emmett, whose books were on at the No.1 spot for 43 weeks. His best-selling series, the Dawn Forever saga, was still hot on the market despite it being only the second book out of four books. Impressive, huh?

Being the personal assistant of Jasper Whitlock, it was very busy for me. Schedules, meetings, blah blah blah. I counted my lucky stars that I was the PA for Jasper and not Rosalie, whose PA is Angela. Poor Angela who has to deal with Rosalie's tempers whenever something goes wrong. Only Jasper could deal with Rosalie during one of her tempers and save Angela.

Jasper's voice crackled through the intercom "Hey Bella can you please go to the Cow Shed and takeaway a medium well steak for me please? With a baked potato with all the fixings at the side. Oh and you can get yourself one too, I'll pay for you."

"Sure thing Jasper and thank you very much" I said. I squealed in excitement. The Cow Shed had the best steaks in town but they were very costly. Even after I had gotten my first paycheck I treated myself only to McDonalds'. I saved up every penny I earned to get myself the apartment I was staying in.

Grabbing my phone and purse, I thought of the perfect lunch I was going to have.

I could never be more wrong.

A/N: See! I gave you a longer chapter yay! (claps hands)


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: I own nothing but the plot, SM owns all.

A/N: Alright guys this is a new story (sort of). I decided to put this up again after some changes and yes, previous fans of Insecure, here you have it! And if you have any questions for me or any constructive criticism, you can email me at danceinfinitize and yes, please check out my blog .sg thanks!

The previous chapter, chapter 3, wasn't beta'd so don't throw any eggs at me for any grammatical errors or any errors in general! This chapter contains a bit of rape so if you are against it, skip this chapter!

Chapter 4: James

"Thank you!" I told the chef as I turned to sit down at the VIP seat.

WHP was one of the clients which had reserved about 50% of the VIP waiting seats at the Cow Shed. Whipping out my phone, I started to play Candy Crush. I started to try and beat the level I was stuck at, the pathetic level 70. Angela was already at level 213!

I sighed, swapping the coloured candies around as I tried but to no avail, my five lives were lost in the matter of 5 minutes. In frustration, I swapped to Temple Run, working out all of my frustration as I beat my high score over and over again. Adrenaline always helps me when I am playing.

"Ms Swan!" the waitress called.

Hurrying up, I half ran, half walked to the counter and picked up the two sets of steak.

As I emerged from the restaurant, I quickly walked down the street and turned into an alleyway. Quickening my pace, I looked down and bumped into a man.

James. Fuck. My. Life.

I looked up in shock as the familiar scar on his cheek soon confirmed who I thought he was. Gulping, I tried to run but my feet stood frozen to the ground.

"Well, well, who do we have here?" he softly said.

"Isabella, good to see you." he said again

I knew this voice of his. His velvety, predator like voice was what he used to lure his prey.

Flashes of what happened to me in the past haunted me. I did not want this to repeat ever again. My senses unlocked as I hurtled away from him but I was soon met by another burly man. He was James' accomplice, no doubt.

I was surrounded.

I went up to the first burly man and threw whatever karate skills I knew. I had picked up karate when I was young but soon dropped it because it was boring. I silently cursed myself for dropping karate.

Apparently, the man was just all brawn and no brains. A kick here, a kick there and one more up his balls, he crumpled to the ground, rolling in pain.

I ran but to only have James grabbing me from behind, tearing the thin fabric of my shirt, exposing me in only my bra. He then grabbed me and went into the darkest corner of the alley. He threw me roughly to the ground, resulting in several splinters in my back.

I really should have listened to Edward.

He then ripped off my skirt, showing the red thong I had on. I was scared already, so I did as what the first thing came to mind.

I screamed loud and shrill. I screamed and I screamed, thrashing about as he tried to take those off me as well. A figure suddenly loomed above him and with a chop on his head then James fainted.

"Are you okay?" a familiar voice asked.

He assessed me, shrugged out of his coat and wrapped me around in it before carrying me up.

When I felt the warm embrace of the stranger's, I fainted, somehow knowing I was safe.

*Insecure*

I woke up to the familiar walls of Forks Hospital. I groaned, thinking about the second time I landed in hospital in a week. Was that even possible? I could earn the Guinness World Record for the most number of trips to the hospital. Forks Hospital must be earning their money from me primarily. Such an honor.

Slowly, what happened to me came slowly to my mind. I remembered James' leery voice and him raping me, and then of course, my saviour.

Just then, the door creaked open and in stepped my personal miracle.

Edward.

I gasped as I blurted out, "What are you doing here? I though you wouldn't be back for another month?" Then I blushed and said, "Sorry, I didn't mean to pry."

He chuckled and replied in his smooth velvety voice. "It's okay. Well, I had to come back for a family emergency and the hospital decided they would let me stay here in Forks." He said

Oh, so that's why he was back? What about Alice? Wait…wait a minute. His voice sounded so much like my saviour's voice! Was he my saviour?

"What about Alice? Is she back?" I said after clearing my voice.

He nodded his head before going on to say

"Now let's see you. How are you feeling?"

"Woozy and scared." I said

"You will feel a little woozy as your head hit the ground yet again before your mini concussion last week had completely healed. What did I tell you Bella?" he said noticing I had broken the thing he told me to do

"St-stay at home and r-rest." I blushed and stammered, being caught.

"Yes. So now, I know you were raped and I personally heard your scr-" He stopped himself and blushed slightly.

"OH MY GOD YOU ARE MY SAVIOUR?" I screamed.

Internally, I felt excitement rush through me. And the dancers with the signboard started to hip hop dance again on my cheeks.

"I didn't want you to know." He said nodding his head

"Edw – Dr Cullen, thank you. I couldn't have made it out there alive if it weren't for you. I must buy you lunch one day to fully thank you." I said

"It's okay but if you insist, alright then. Okay, let me continue. We did a rape kit on you and luckily, you did not have any penetration by any object" As Edward said that, his eyes seethed with anger, threatening to spill over anytime.

I suddenly remembered that Jasper had asked me to get him lunch. I panicked as I thought of being fired from WHP.

"Dr Cullen, does Jasper know I am in hospital?" I asked frightened I would lose my job.

"Who's Jasper?" He asked.

"My boss. Does he know? I don't want to be fired from WHP!" I rambled.

"Oh yes, I informed Angela already to tell Jasper and Rosalie about this. They know about it. Except the rape part of course." He soothingly said.

I shuddered when he said "rape part". I didn't want to suffer under James again. But I would miss Edward if I left.

I was at crossroads.


End file.
